Been crying a lot today.
It's interesting how the only sense I have that is ever numbed by repetitious exposure is that of disgust.
Every dot com's refreshing for a journal update.
You'll hear things repeated here that won't make sense to you, be it lyrics or phrases - they all mean I'm doing something specific and you won't understand.
"You've won the role, you've played your part, you've been cordially invited. But I'm not impressed, and I'm definitely not excited. 'Cause the film runs a shallow budget, and the writer's subject script isn't any deeper.
So dive right in."
So addicted to this song.
I'm sure I'm not the first.
I'm never the first of anything.
Getting to bed on time tonight - not much of an update anyway.
Funny how everything I ever did to inspire you was a fuck up.
Just gonna lay here and stare at the ceiling for a while and wonder why darkness scares me.
I have talents, I have abilities and strengths.
They enable me to get places in life.
Just not the places I want to be, is all.
Don't know if I'd rather be with you or be you. Just to know you would be enough.
Something so corrupt is so able to keep a hold on me and make me feel.
I fear it. I love it. I am it.
Turn it up, play a little faster.
I never mean a word of this, I hope you know. Learn not to take a thing I say seriously and save yourself some heartbreak, because I regret every brilliant thing I ever said.
I miss you. When will you be back?
My rituals changed for once and I hated it.
Once you complain it changes, and you realize you prefer the past.
I should stop tying (edit: was that a typo of 'trying' or 'typing'? maybe I should stop doing both) at 2AM.
Going to sleep.
Car crash kids... You know the drill.
And you... You make me smile. And so do all the things you've done right, I love you so fucking much, never change, never never change.
Yours truly, letting your words make me cry myself to sleep - or at least trying, because sorrow is all the rage.
Goodnight. Xo.
