When your heart beats under your skin, this time don't be so afraid of losing it!

Today was one of those days where I woke up feeling good. The type of day where no matter if the world stomps on you and then sends a little black raincloud your way (and it did), you can still say "Hey. This is okay. I'm okay." You can still look the world in the eye and say "Stop. I need a minute," so you can pour a bubble bath, turn out the lights, and listen to Enya for fifteen minutes and just remind yourself that it is okay.

Things I am going to do:
- exercise for one hour, five days a week
- play with Audrey every day (if I can't take time out of my life to play with my cat, then what can I make time for, right?)
- do oneword.com every day
- read more
- eat less
- brush my teeth regularly (I know! Blech at not doing that... but I was never taught to as a kid, and I may not be anyone's role model right now, but one day I will be. Humans are habitual creatures, and all of life is about forming habits. It's your choice whether they are good ones or not.)
- stop fighting with my mom

By far, the hardest one to maintain is going to be the last one. Sometimes I feel like my entire life would be absolutely okay if it weren't for my mom, and the fact of the matter is we just don't see eye to eye. I think I am a rarity in that I grew up completely different mentally than my parents. You see that so often: children or teens who are just the mental equivalent of one or both of their parents. There are so many phrases catered to it: "Like father like son," "you sound just like your mother," etc. I have never been a lot like either of my parents, and it is a blessing to truly feel like I have created my own personality and ideals. At the same time, it is so, so much harder to relate to either of them. My father is an emotionally disconnected, womanizing, hard-working man who drinks, builds cars, and hits things when he gets upset. My mother is a smart, stubborn woman who believes that all men are pigs and can take a computer apart screw by screw and put it back together again. I have grown up going back and forth between homes in such a way that I really have had to learn who I am all on my own. It may be true that my mother is the raincloud in my life, but until I have the option of making her a less important part in my life, I am going to try, and I think that is the best first step.

Today was a great first day. Tomorrow is a new first day. I am feeling very, very smiley.

I can't stop listening to this song!