Welcome To The New Déjà Vu

Today was one of those fix your hair twenty times, examine every flaw in the mirror, pick apart your appearance and go through an entire can of hairspray days. Sometimes I feel that a large part of my life is imitation, and it is a learning process. Everything stems from imitation; it is how we learn to do things. We do not create the English language from our own minds when we are babies. We are taught by listening and imitating, and then we learn concepts and ideas with which we create our own words, sentences, and stories. I struggle every day in breaking away from imitation and learning to create my own self.


My mom always gets me the strangest Christmas presents. Things like air-drumsticks and Pokémon erasers. A few years ago, she got me a bath set (I have never been big on lotions and perfumes; give me cheap soap and I'm good to go) that I neglected for several months. When I finally did use it, though, I fell in love with the smell. It's Far Away by Avon, and the site's description says: "Let it transport you to a place within yourself and your own imagination. This modern oriental scent blends jasmine, freesia, orange flower, and peach." If I could choose any scent to represent who I want to be, this would be it.

It's very easy, especially at a young age, to latch onto something and give it meaning in your life. I've found that it's also equally hard to let go of said thing. The more time, money, and effort you put into something, the harder it is to accept when it's gone. As a kid, I never really had friends, and my family rarely put any kind of effort into loving me. This left me alone with a lot of time to myself to think and grow on my own, but not very much time to develop socially or learn to love others (and accept the love of others). For this reason, I latch on. It's a bad, bad habit.

Here's to learning to let go.



I am so intrigued by how I can be inspired by such a large range of different things. I can listen to a song that says the word fuck in it twenty times and it makes me want to do something big. Alternatively, I can watch a beautiful dance routine and it makes me want to drink a big mug of tea and sit and listen to Enya. I want to be a million things at once and tomorrow is day one. Go.