Life and Death

Everyone, everywhere, is taking their time but going nowhere.

I don't know where I'll be in 50 years or 20 years. I don't know where I'll be in a month or three months. There are only a few things that I really want to keep. The rest are fluid, coming and going, never sinking their roots in and getting attached. I don't sink my roots in. I've learned not to. I've learned that no matter what you have, and no matter where you are, and no matter who you are, you can lose it. Everything around us is reminding us of that, every day. Every breath we take reminds us that one day our lungs will be still, and they will turn grey and they will deflate and they will fall apart and turn into dust. Steve Jobs is dead. Isn't that crazy? There are homeless people that live longer than he did, homeless people who beg for money to buy whiskey for breakfast every day and sleep on concrete and here, in America, a person with billions of dollars can't make it to 60. How long will I make it? Where will I be when I'm dying?

I hope it's something hard and fast. I hope it hits and hurts and then it's gone and I hope I know it's my time. I hope I'm not begging my mind to keep holding on while my body gives up. I think, though, that's how people feel. I think people generally know, and know it's different, and know they have to give up. You don't just live and want to live and REALLY try to live, and die anyway. Sometimes it takes years for a person's mind to go. I want to write a will. Maybe I will.

If I'm lost at sea...

We're headed to nowhere, but nowhere is somewhere to me.