I spent New Years in Arkansas and I learned a lot of things, some things I hope I never forget. First of all, I think I got to know my brother for the first time. He has flaws just like anyone else does, but he is one of the most amazing people I think I have ever met. He has so many stories to tell (which may or may not be exaggerated), he is a lot like me, and he doesn't doubt anything that he believes in, which is both a good thing and a bad thing at once.

My cousins have all grown up so much, I'm starting to realize that they are - that I am - becoming adults. I know in a few years, we will have kids, spouses, stories to tell, differences in opinion to argue over. "Hey, remember that Christmas in Arkansas when we lit up in the gazebo?" It really just blows my mind. I feel like the whole thing was a dream, in a way, and it was amazing. It didn't feel like three days.

All the other holidays and family reunions, I think we've never had a chance to grow close. Or maybe I was just too young to embrace it. I didn't understand so much.

Matt said something to me about our sister that I think really blew my mind. I'm paraphrasing here, but: "Kristen is perfect. She's what every father wants for their daughter. She had a 4.0 grade average, graduated with honors from Texas Tech, got married to a Christian man, had two kids. Boom, book closed. You can't beat that."

And he's right. I can't and I won't. Kristen could die right now and she'd still be better than I could ever be. I also learned something else that I think has greatly put my life into perspective. Matt and Kristen's mom was "the one". My dad didn't want my mom. My mom was the rebound. She told him she was on birth control when she wasn't, and I was the result.

Things are so much different now that I have an outside perspective on my own life.

Just a song that made me cry today. So touching.