Be the death of me.

Thought about posting this in eljay.

Then realized no one gives a fuck.

Oh well.

I believe my indecisiveness, my inability to listen to anyone (including myself), my extreme phobias, and my extreme obsessions will be the death of me.

To further explain... I cannot decide on anything or stick with anything at all. Because of this, I am constantly changing. Which is not a good thing, considering the fact that I hate change. You'd never believe that a year ago, I listened to NOTHING but Japanese music, I didn't write fanfictions, I had pink hair and thought Fall Out Boy was shitty. A year before that, I listened to nothing but the band HIM, I hadn't yet been introduced to slash, I hadn't listened to Panic at the Disco in about a year, and I wore nothing but black. The year before that, I was obsessed with anime. The year before that, I hadn't even been introduced to the internet (I know; sheltered much?). A year before that, I listened to Linkin Park and The Used and Eminem and thought painting my room dark, dark purple was a good idea.

My hair color changes with my mood. My favorite bands and obsessions never last more than a year, and nothing I do or say will matter at all, ever, once I'm dead. DAMN, I'm depressing.

We live in a survival-of-the-fittest society. If you're not willing to push people to make it, you won't make it. I'm not willing to push people.

I am scared of everything. I look over my shoulder every two minutes. I shower with the curtain open. Water, mirrors, darkness, silence, open doors, failure, disapproval, large spaces, small spaces, windows... These are all things that scare me to great extents. Now try to think of one room in your house and one situation that at any point in time doesn't include one or more of these things. I don't think you can. I am CONSTANTLY terrified.

I believe that there is no hope for society. I believe that I do not matter in the grand scheme of things. I believe that my cat is one of the very most beautiful creatures to ever grace the face of the earth, and I know that if I don't get to sleep in the next few minutes, there's no way in hell I'll be up in time for class.

I also know that, thanks to a severe case of insomnia, I WON'T be asleep in the next few minutes.

Writer's block will be the death of me. Please forgive me for being too tired to write anything. I'm lazy as fuck and I apologize. Wait until I actually get a life. Then I'll never have time to write. Ohnoes. I'm probably too lazy to have a life anyway.